Cara (cbjohnson) wrote,

  • Mood:
Hmmm... baby is sleeping. So I have an hour or two to... sit, I guess. Dink around LJ a bit.

I once knew this girl who I was just in love with(along with everyone else) until I realized that she didn't really care for anything but herself and her own happiness. That hurt me; I thought it was incredibly selfish. She didn't care if she hurt people, even people she presumably cared about, if it benefited her. So, yeah, we were "best friends" until I felt the friendship was too one-sided and that it wasn't going to change. Now I realize that although she definitely was not a good friend, I can't say she wasn't a "good" person. Why should I blame her for looking out only for herself and her own happiness? It was my own fault for sticking around so long trying to make a friendship with someone like that, so it was my own fault I got hurt. But, hell, maybe she actually has "it" figured out. She certainly gets what she wants in life, even if it's later rather than sooner. I always thought she must be lonely, and that she will continue to be if she keeps living like she did when I knew her--but, is loneliness all that bad? Does not needing anyone to be happy mean never being truly close to anyone (what she does), or does it mean being able to be close to people without depending on them for your happiness (is that really possible)? Do you need to hurt people to be happy? If doing something to make you happy is going to hurt someone else, do you do it anyway?
I guess I'm just beginning to look at her, or what she represents to me, in a whole new perspective, but I'm still kind of confused.

Ok, enough babbling about that.
I'll babble about other stuff. :p

I'll hopefully be going up to Flagstaff (NAU) February 23rd and 24th; my friend Nick is involved with some student written one acts, I believe, and he invited his Tucson friends to come on out and see them. So that should be fun. Hopefully I can find someone to go with, though. Ryan may or may not be able to get off work... I just hope my car will make it if I go by myself. :p Poor old thing...

What else? I'm fixing up my little "apartment" (ie my two and a half rooms). There's still too much crap in there from mom's office etc but we should be able to move that stuff out soon. I managed (with Brian's help) to rearrange some furniture and set up some of my candles. I wish I could set up my computer already; I'm sick of sharing with my mommy. :p But she needs to do this and that to her computers before I can get one of the monitors, and then there's figuring out if/how I can be online in my room... argh. Stupid computer stuff.

Aaanyway... bye.
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